Hi Erin! Thanks for this. As always, you leave me with a slightly new insight into my own experiences! I totally agree that sexting, as I have mostly experienced it, is its own experience, with its own conventions, delights, and frustrations. It also is no guarantee of chemistry IRL (if the folks in question haven't already met). I actually think that one of the reasons it is so easy to do with relative strangers is because we get to be brand new. At least, that was true for me. Every time I began sexting with a new person, it was a chance to craft whatever persona I wanted to be. A form of self-discovery, if you will. And while I wouldn't say that every single fantasy I ever articulated on the page (text box) are fantasies I'm actively taking steps to make happen, it IS true that every fantasy I've ever articulated on the page has brought me closer to noticing (not exactly understanding, but being more aware) how my brain works, how my body works, and what my default modes are.
Yes, sexting can become its own erotic zone of expression. I’ve found the withholding of response and time zone barriers to be akin to a kind of soft bdsm - make me wait; I’ll make you wait… and the pain of separation is both an edge of frustration and a powerful force that releases inhibitions. What’s real and what might be a kind of safe, seductive play that doesn’t intend to bring two people closer IRL? That has been my enduring question and challenge over many years of exciting long-distance relationships- disembodied and thrown together into my favorite erogenous zone: words!
This was a thought provokling piece. I understand your draw to the desire that will not need to be fulfilled beyond the words and dots. The seduction of language in its own closed loop. For myself, I recognize the wildly time consuming energy that texting and emails leeched from my life. The people I have kept in my orbit because of the ease of texting, my delight in myself and my way with words, the dopamine hit of instant gratification, is truly embarrassing. People I would never give the energy to in my actual life, it is so easy to keep them around.
not necessarily agreeing with the "embarrassing" part of your assessment because, hey, we do what we do, but I loled FOR SURE at the "my delight in myself and my way with words" at the clarity of your own language, and also because I see myself so clearly in your assessment! thanks for making my day!
I appreciated your brilliant response that captured exactly how I feel as an 86-year-old man hopelessly chatting with younger women on dating sites that lead to nothing but erotic promises and time and dollars wasted on loving conversations never to meet a single woman. I appreciate your great insights. Thank you.
Thank you for this. One of the more painful aspects of losing my fiancé at height of romantic / etc intensity were the texts left behind. They boomerang me back to a time of waiting and impulsive seduction (until he moved to Portland, he still lived in Seattle but had an essential workers pass). So in early Covid we had that bubble - lust within a global pandemic - and then he died suddenly of a rare neurological disease. The text intimacy is vibrant yet can almost seem mocking. I rarely read them anymore.
Hi Erin! Thanks for this. As always, you leave me with a slightly new insight into my own experiences! I totally agree that sexting, as I have mostly experienced it, is its own experience, with its own conventions, delights, and frustrations. It also is no guarantee of chemistry IRL (if the folks in question haven't already met). I actually think that one of the reasons it is so easy to do with relative strangers is because we get to be brand new. At least, that was true for me. Every time I began sexting with a new person, it was a chance to craft whatever persona I wanted to be. A form of self-discovery, if you will. And while I wouldn't say that every single fantasy I ever articulated on the page (text box) are fantasies I'm actively taking steps to make happen, it IS true that every fantasy I've ever articulated on the page has brought me closer to noticing (not exactly understanding, but being more aware) how my brain works, how my body works, and what my default modes are.
love this, thanks for sharing as always ❤️
Yes, sexting can become its own erotic zone of expression. I’ve found the withholding of response and time zone barriers to be akin to a kind of soft bdsm - make me wait; I’ll make you wait… and the pain of separation is both an edge of frustration and a powerful force that releases inhibitions. What’s real and what might be a kind of safe, seductive play that doesn’t intend to bring two people closer IRL? That has been my enduring question and challenge over many years of exciting long-distance relationships- disembodied and thrown together into my favorite erogenous zone: words!
perfectly said.
Merci beaucoup et à vous también
This was a thought provokling piece. I understand your draw to the desire that will not need to be fulfilled beyond the words and dots. The seduction of language in its own closed loop. For myself, I recognize the wildly time consuming energy that texting and emails leeched from my life. The people I have kept in my orbit because of the ease of texting, my delight in myself and my way with words, the dopamine hit of instant gratification, is truly embarrassing. People I would never give the energy to in my actual life, it is so easy to keep them around.
Thanks for this.
not necessarily agreeing with the "embarrassing" part of your assessment because, hey, we do what we do, but I loled FOR SURE at the "my delight in myself and my way with words" at the clarity of your own language, and also because I see myself so clearly in your assessment! thanks for making my day!
I appreciated your brilliant response that captured exactly how I feel as an 86-year-old man hopelessly chatting with younger women on dating sites that lead to nothing but erotic promises and time and dollars wasted on loving conversations never to meet a single woman. I appreciate your great insights. Thank you.
That can certainly be fun, but can also be an unrealistic trap of non reality.
Thank you for this. One of the more painful aspects of losing my fiancé at height of romantic / etc intensity were the texts left behind. They boomerang me back to a time of waiting and impulsive seduction (until he moved to Portland, he still lived in Seattle but had an essential workers pass). So in early Covid we had that bubble - lust within a global pandemic - and then he died suddenly of a rare neurological disease. The text intimacy is vibrant yet can almost seem mocking. I rarely read them anymore.