I’ve been there in that “asymmetry of stakes.” Though I have not read the book, I read the NYT interview and could not help but feel like she was naming the same form of slow-burning harm I felt for many years as a monogamish person participating in someone else’s polyamorous dream (nightmare). I lost a whole lot in the aftermath. Thanks for sharing this perspective
That last part gets at why it all comes across as so sad. Lindy understands the deep asymmetry of her choice. She is married to the man who she considers to be the love of her life. I'm sure she has a deep and real connection with Aham and has good reasons for why she fell in love with him, even if she's not convincing the reader of this. This man then decided that he was going to see other women, regardless of her feelings about it. He made it clear that he was willing to leave her. So Lindy could watch the love of her life go and have a perfectly happy (at least for a bit) life with this tiny goth chick who had no qualms about getting into a relationship with Aham. Her marriage could be shattered, she'd be left devastated and alone, while he is still partnered and happy. Or she could learn to make herself okay with it, learn to like it, and she could get to still say that she is married and has love, multiple loves now even. Humans are among the most adaptable of creatures, after all.
Actually he told her from the beginning that he couldn’t do monogamy. There was never an unveiling “gotcha” moment though obviously there were mistakes made
I’ve been there in that “asymmetry of stakes.” Though I have not read the book, I read the NYT interview and could not help but feel like she was naming the same form of slow-burning harm I felt for many years as a monogamish person participating in someone else’s polyamorous dream (nightmare). I lost a whole lot in the aftermath. Thanks for sharing this perspective
They’ve been in a triad for 8 years so I think she’s probably legitimately happy. I can’t wait to read it!
That last part gets at why it all comes across as so sad. Lindy understands the deep asymmetry of her choice. She is married to the man who she considers to be the love of her life. I'm sure she has a deep and real connection with Aham and has good reasons for why she fell in love with him, even if she's not convincing the reader of this. This man then decided that he was going to see other women, regardless of her feelings about it. He made it clear that he was willing to leave her. So Lindy could watch the love of her life go and have a perfectly happy (at least for a bit) life with this tiny goth chick who had no qualms about getting into a relationship with Aham. Her marriage could be shattered, she'd be left devastated and alone, while he is still partnered and happy. Or she could learn to make herself okay with it, learn to like it, and she could get to still say that she is married and has love, multiple loves now even. Humans are among the most adaptable of creatures, after all.
Actually he told her from the beginning that he couldn’t do monogamy. There was never an unveiling “gotcha” moment though obviously there were mistakes made